When I was younger, I lived in a very bad household. There was drama, abuse, drugs, affairs, lies, anything you could possibly think of. Me and all of my siblings, are afew years Apart, which means my mom left my biological father when I was 7, and my brother was a new born, while my older brother was 15.

We were homeless, we didn’t have much, we eventually got our own house. My older brother would slip into my room and molest me. He would tell me to count how many times he thrusted into me, because I begged him only to do it afew times. I hated it. I remember being so confused and he told me, “it’s what all siblings do.” I knew it wasn’t but I was also 7.

When I was 8 we went to go visit my dad, my brother forced me to touch him, and do very bad things there too, No one ever knew. Or maybe they did and didn’t care.

Fast forward afew years, I’m 13, he asked me if I could pose for him. I said no, He then pushed me into the laundry room and forced me on my knees, you can imagine what happened then.

At this time, my mother was dating a man, he was extremely weird, and wanted to be close to me. He would let me drink, smoke, cuss, whatever. He never molested me, though.

My biological dad blamed my bad attitude, how I dressed, how I was so sad, suicidal, and angry at age 14. How could someone so young be so angry? He blamed it on my stepdad. He said he believed he was the one who was touching me.

My entire life I was taught my older brother could do no wrong, he was the golden child. He was the favorite. I was so scared to say anything because I knew they wouldn’t believe me.

My father asked me if my stepdad Had raped me, because I had developed tears inside of me. It was so painful. I said yes just to get him to stop trying To blame everyone. That night my stepdad was arrested, he spent a year in jail, but didn’t get put on the registry.

When I was 17, my mom was talking about her rape experience. She said it was from her brother, she said if she ever found out my brother had been molesting me, she would kill him. Why would I tell you if I know there’s going to be such a bad outcome? I’ve lived with this my entire life, I slipped up and told my ex girlfriend when I was drunk. All she did was reassure me that it was okay, I then threw up everywhere because I know it’ll never be okay, and this is forever.