TW// suicide ment.
A number of things. I began to relate to humanism more. I didn’t understand how God could abandon his people when they were in need and I began to see church services as controlling and giving one person the power to speak as a vessel of God.
I am bisexual with a girlfriend. My strictly Catholic mother has made it clear her religion gets in the way of her being able to love me the same so that didn’t help my view of God either.
I also went through a period of my life where I was very depressed to the point where I tried to commit suicide. I would desperately pray for God or Jesus to come and save me because I couldn’t do alone. One night I was on my bathroom floor crying, at the end of my tether and ready to die and I told myself that if I didn’t get a sign from God to keep on living I’d give up on him. That ended up being the longest, most painful, worst night of my life and I managed to get through to the next morning and decided I no longer believed in a God. Or at the very least, I didn’t believe he was what Christians claimed he was.